Patterns of language reveal a lot about habitual thinking. Here are two patterns to watch out for.
When you ask someone to perform a task, be alert for the little word “try” (or “do my best”, “give it my best shot” etc.). “Try” is often code for “I’m not going to be fully committed”. One simple approach is to repeat the question “Will you…?” and hopefully get a “yes!” the second time. Of course there are often variables that can’t be controlled, but the commitment to do it makes a big difference. Next time you hear “try” – beware!
Another is “Let me play devil’s advocate for a moment..”, to which my immediate response is usually “NO!” Why? Because it’s a copout – someone gets to criticize and be negative, while pretending they don’t really believe what they are saying. Devils advocates can derail a discussion instantly, or send it in an unproductive direction. These days I ask Devils Advocates to please just speak what they genuinely think is the case. I hope you will too.
Chris U
6 months ago
Jeff,
thanks for this…think try also says, i am afraid of failing and not really sure I can do this. I am aware of it and avoid it on this end. As an improv er we often talk about word “and” – I am in a work atmosphere where number word is but. People listen to you and say but… drives me crazy. Appreciate “and” cause it tells me i am heard, we are extending the discussion, and we can still disagree. But says, i may or may not of heard you, but also sets up a counter to what you just said with no thought to what has been said prior to the conjunction.
But is appropriate at times no doubt. Seems to me when folks say but they are limiting the dialogue…any ideas on words to help bring the dialogue back into a more open space?
Geoff Crinean
6 months ago
Exactly! “try” brings failure right into the mindset before you start.
Geoff Crinean
6 months ago
I agree totally. Simplest is to wait for the “but” to end, then lift the discussion back up to what’s possible/doable with a big AND….